When Winning is Losing

Last night I was lying in bed, I couldn't help but think of the things to come. In fact, I've been doing that quite a bit lately, and it is an utter hindrance to me: I'm losing sleep! Anyway, in large part I was focusing on the poetry contest one of my poems is in. A few weeks ago, I received a letter in the mail from World Poetry Movement. They expressed interest in the poem by wishing to publish it. I can't remember a time last school year that I was so excited. Furthermore, they ingeminated congratulations by letting me know that my poem, titled "For Liberty," is still in the running in the contest I entered a month or two ago. There will be 116 winners. Only 1 will receive the grand prize of $1000, and the rest will be given medals.


Don't get me wrong. I think it's great that one of my poems is going to be put in a real book. And it would be nice to have $1000. (I've already planned out what I'm going to do with it if, by some odd chance, I end up winning.) But as I was tossing and turning last night, God began to reveal to me this attitude of excitement. Excitement is good. But idolatry is not. Thus far it has been about me - what I will do with the money, how I will be in a book, how my poem is awesome, and bitter thoughts of the like.


But now I'm not sure if I want to win that contest or even be one of the 116 finalists. Honestly I cannot say that my ultimate desire in this situation is to place at the top and run out and buy something that moths or worms, or something, are one day going to eat for lunch. I'm taken to Jesus' words: "What will it profit a man if he gains the whole world and loses his soul?" (I'm not quite sure which of the gospels that's found in - maybe Matthew.)


God has been using this year in my life to draw me nearer to Him. It's what I prayed for last summer, and ever since He has faithfully answered. I don't want to pray against that now. I don't want to win something that will cause me to lose spiritually. If money will take me away from devotion to God, I would rather be poor. If fame would lure me away from knowing God, I would rather be unknown. If possessions would take me from the nearness I find in Christ, I would rather be empty. If food takes me away, I would rather starve. If my house takes me away, I would rather be homeless. If life takes me away, I would rather die.

For to me, to live is Christ; 

to die is gain.

Philippians 1:21