Today school ended. I am rejoicing externally, yet questions are left unanswered on the inside:
What in the world am I going to do next semester? Is CollegePlus! for me? When will I move out? What about my job situation? Where am I headed in life? Is there any possibility I will avoid the mistakes I made last summer? Am I failing as a poet? Will I really make it to the end of college? Have I been forsaken? Is anyone with me? Who is my friend, and who is my foe? Am I laboring for the kingdom? Am I worth anything? Am I a slave of God or of men? Will praying continue, or is this just a phase? Are angels helping me? Is the Holy Spirit active? How do I live by the Spirit? Am I saved? Am I sharing the gospel? What books should I be reading? Who should I disciple? Who will disciple me? Do I know God's word well? What verses should I memorize? Is this rainy season over, or will more depression come? Am I suppressing happiness? Why does joy feel wrong? How can I still be stuck in self pity? Am I seeking satisfaction in the wrong places? Why do I connect joy with fake friendships? Why do all my friendships feel fake? What am I trying to prove? Who loves me? Who do I love? What do I love? Am I addicted to "stuff"? What are my idols? What are my successes? How am I supposed to pay for college? When am I going to get another job? Am I where I need to be? What is purpose? What is my purpose? How do I fulfill that purpose? Who's in control here?
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