Valleys and Visions

I find it necessary at this time to thank my dear brother Bryce for giving me the book The Valley of Vision. It's a collection of Puritan prayers and devotionals. Although they were written centuries ago, I find that they bespeak those desires of my heart that I cannot put into words myself. It seems that after I read each line, I have to stop and meditate on what the author of the prayer/meditation is saying. Every stroke is so rich, every word so vibrant, every sentence so affirmed by my soul.


This book has helped me lately with my prayer life. I'm coming to the reality that I have never been a prayer warrior. I have loved God's word and memorized and meditated on many portions of it, and I have experienced the joy of seeing the Holy Spirit moving and working in my life - but hardly have I experienced the joy of being on my knees. A week or two ago, I was in amazement at how much joy can be found in prayer. Although I cannot explain it, I find the most joy when I am praying.


I've never been much of a person to talk about "the Spirit" or "angels" or "demons" or "Satan." But God is bringing me to a point where the heavenly realms are becoming more real to me. What I once blamed only on myself, I now see that Satan is working in it too. When I go to read the word or pray, there is always a distraction. Flesh? Yes. Demons? Yes. As a rebuttal, the Holy Spirit drives me to that prayer demons try to destroy. He roots me in the seed of the word that Satan tries to snatch.


I feel alone. I feel lost. I feel betrayed. I feel abandoned. I am powerless to read the word (or work) because of tiredness and unable to nap because of the fear of laziness. I cannot pray because of distraction, and I don't want to eat for fear of gluttony. I back away from fellowship for fear of hypocrisy and step back from love for fear of being broken. When I want to do good, evil is there with me (Romans 7). When I consider evil, I have already failed; for if I view sin as an option I have negotiated, and if I have negotiated I have not resolved to kill sin (Romans 8).


Who knows me?
Who loves me?
Who hears me?


Yet I will wait. I will wait for God. He is my rock and salvation, my fortress; I shall not be shaken. On God my salvation and my glory rest. He is my hope (Psalm 62).