Deepest Secrets

God, You know my thoughts, but I wish You didn't.

Recently, I've been planning on implementing more instances of real people truly loving God. Therefore, I found it appropriate to include the above statement. Those words were uttered by a dear brother of mine last night at a prayer meeting. That was his day - or week or even season - yesterday; it's my day today.

When it boils down to our sin nature and we are all brutally honest, the truth is that we would never reveal our deepest thoughts to those around us, and we sincerely wish that our holy God did not know them. Impressed upon our hearts is the knowledge that there is a stainless God who is too pure for us, and rightfully so, for His "eyes are too pure to look on evil" (Hab. 1:13). Because we know that we are evil, this statement is our greatest fear.

When Isaiah saw a vision of the train of God's robe filling the temple and heard the angels crying, "Holy! Holy! Holy," his response was dramatic yet fitting: "Woe is me! For I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips" (Is. 6:5).

These days we have our petty little "worship" services where we beg for God to come and fill the room. Bearing with this foolishness (there are several errors in such a statement) - even if God's presence were not in every place in a very real way, we wouldn't want it to be. Why? Because He is holy and we are not. We say God's name as if it were a part of our every day vocabulary without giving the very least of thought to who He really is. We think God is just like us.

He's not (Ps. 50:21).

We can only start to understand true confession, true repentance, true relationship, and true grace when we begin to realize that God is pure and holy. His ways and thoughts far exceed the standard of ours (Is. 55:6-9).

Few people get this. Thankfully, my close friend is beginning to, and because of it I am too. I am but a man of unclean lips, one as useful as dirty rags. God is holy, and I have no clue what that means. So I hide. But He is still loving, still forgiving, and forever faithful. Though I falter then run away, He longs for me to return to Him and willingly accepts my empty soul with open arms; and He fills it with His love, and no one can ever take me from His hand.