Life-Changer

Perhaps now I am beginning to understand what began as an "impossible" prayer request last summer, elevated to an almost suicidal depression last semester, and leveled at a steadfast distress early this year. I am now faced with what will probably be the biggest string of decisions I will make this year - maybe even this year, the one before it, and the one before that (and so on). Honestly I'm quite reluctant to say anything whatsoever about this, so hopefully no one will read this blog. It just makes me feel good putting this post up here.


What has been said to those friends I have but hinted to is this: it's the heaviest and most critical decision I will have made in a long time, I'm extremely excited about it, I'm concerned, and it may be one of the best things to happen to me in quite some time. My mind is ecstatic. I can't stop thinking about it. And, consequently, I can't seem to get anything done anymore. Loads of homework await me, but I'm occupied. Because of my heavy contemplation and prayer, I am finding myself unable to complete work in the day and unable to sleep at night.


Everything is falling into place perfectly. I may take a huge step. Maybe I won't. But now it seems that this would be just one more step in my crafty scheme to become invisible to people. It would be shocking. And I like that because I'm tired of everything I was and everything I used to do. My life is completely changed, and this would change it even more.


I fear not the journey. I fear not the risks. I fear not failure. And I fear not fear. My God is with me; He is working all things together for my good. He loves me, and He is for me; He has saved me, and nothing can steal me; He is a conqueror, and I conquer through Him. And if He holds everything in the palm of His hand and decrees every event under the sun, I know I can trust Him. He is the One. He is my God.