"...but not despairing."

          The theme in this blog, as of late, has been times of difficulty. I thought it beneficial to inform the readers that recently I have been feeling something new: as if my struggling is for a particular purpose. That doesn't make it easy. But as I am dying daily, I am not despairing. This is different than how it has been in the past, and it reminds me of Paul's words in 2 Corinthians 4. My hero Sarah, who also happens to be my cousin, once showed me this passage, and it has helped me in my times of need:

⁸ We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not despairing; ⁹ persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; ¹⁰ always carrying about in the body the dying of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. ¹¹ For we who live are constantly being delivered over to death for Jesus’ sake, so that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh.

My "affliction" pales in comparison to Paul's and the early church's, but God is using it to manifest His life in me. It is only by the grace of God that I am not despairing. And by His grace I will endure, I will grow, I will have life in His name.