Dying and Living

          If I were to be completely honest with all of the (five or six) followers of my blog, I would say that today stank. If I were to be completely honest with you, I'd tell you that I felt disconnected from the world; I would say that life felt like a miserable trance. I'd tell you about all of the things that I felt went wrong from the moment I got out of bed to the second I walked into the door of the church building to the minute I left. Maybe I'd even tell you by name every person I avoided and walked away from. If I were really crazy, I might even say that I felt weak and hideous, that I felt like a monster (I wonder if that's what Skillet meant). Maybe I'd go into my thoughts and explain how I'm seriously doubting that any of those followers of this blog will truly care when - and if ever - they read this post. Maybe I'd say that I want to die.

          Or - maybe I would say that though I was horribly weak today, God used Ernie's sermon at the perfect week. Maybe I would tell you that 2 Corinthians 12:9 is what God spoke to me today. Maybe I would say, "Yes! I die EVERY DAY, and I feel like I'm slaughtered all the day long, but somehow I am more than a conqueror." Perhaps I would preach that, though I sinned and stumbled and failed miserably this week, "There is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus." Maybe I would say that I entered this in my journal last Thursday:

Through my every weakness, I'm seeing more and more of His mercy. It is amazing. Although there are my many weaknesses, His strength is perfected in weakness. I wouldn't trade my life for anyone else's. And if I were to trade it, it would be for someone who is weaker than I am so that I could taste more of that grace of God. Give me that grace, and from it let me drink and drink and drink.

and heard this today:

And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.

          "I can't do anything" becomes, "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me!" "I'm too weak" turns into, "Christ is my strength." "I can't press on" shifts to, "God's grace is enough for me." Maybe life doesn't depend on me - the same way salvation doesn't depend on me. Maybe it's okay that life stinks sometimes because the hardships reveal God's faithfulness. Maybe I don't have to keep up an act because Christ is the real thing.
          *Maybe I'm simply left to doom in my daily death and continual slaughtering. No. NO! NO! Hardship, distress, persecution, humiliation, hunger, danger, even death itself - NOTHING can steal me from God's grasp or tear me from His love. Not even hell itself can maintain a grip on me, for I have conquered overwhelmingly through the God who loves me and sacrificed His Son for me. A rainy day, a storm, a long night, tears shed, sin committed, evil obtained, infinite height, the breadth and length of the universe, a lack of cash, unemployment, social struggles, love struggles, passion struggles, sexual struggles, sickness struggles, family struggles, personal struggles, classroom struggles, homework struggles, homesick struggles, mystery struggles, frustration, bitterness, pride, hedonism, humanism, Gnosticism, doubt, hesitation, myself, my friends, my lovers, the ones I love, my enemies, the world population, famine, the flu, disease, world hunger, Satan, angels, demons, spirits, philosophies, theories, myths, speculations, rumors, slanders, haters, technology, ice cream, sweat, blood, aches, pains, sleep, animals, dirt, the stars, the sun, the moon, the other galaxies, fashion, idolatry, beauty, ugliness, life, death - none of it - none of it - can separate me from the love of God displayed to its fullest by the cross of the Lord Jesus Christ.
          God picked the losers, the weak, the helpless. The mind that created the universe with individual thoughts; the mouth that spoke, "Let there be!" and there was; the face who is too holy to even get a glimpse of; the feet on which people wept and begged and kissed; the arms that were stretched out for the sins of the world; the God who gave life its name - He is yelling out to me, "My grace is more than enough for you! It is greater than anything you are facing. My love is more than enough for you! I am more than enough for you. I am Life. I am Truth. I am everything. And I chose you before the foundation of the world just so that you could come and walk with Me and eat with Me and depend on Me and be happy because of Me and find everything you ever wanted in Me. I'm the One you're looking for. Yes, storms will come, but My promise is that I will never leave you; I will never turn My back on you because My Father turned His back on Me for you. I love you; I love you more than you could ever know."








* This paragraph is a paraphrase of Romans 8:36-39. Multiple Scripture references are used here (Php. 4; Eph. 1; Gen. 1-3; Ps. 37; Heb. 13; etc.), but I did not cite them all.